Prepare for the next war

YNet News (Link) - Asaf Gefen (October 26, 2009)

For Israel's leadership and public, the Goldstone Report is reminiscent of the local summer: Every time you think it's over, it appears for yet another round that is more tiring and bothersome than the previous one.

Last week, exhausted and sweaty in the wake of the previous rounds, we saw some members of our political establishment capitulate and decide that we've repressed enough and that the time has come for a "commission of inquiry."

On the other hand, Defense Minister Ehud Barak argues that Israel must not abandon its soldiers, yet it's unclear whether he refers to the commanders who fought in Gaza, or to those who slept in Paris for $2,500 a night.

The Goldstone Report has caused Israel such shame not only because it dared present us as a Goliath, rather than the world's miserable victims, but mostly because of the Israeli feeling that the report � and the whole world in fact � is trying to snatch our glorious victory in Gaza.

After our three previous wars ended with defeatist and tiring commissions of inquiry, which portrayed the IDF as similarly successful to our faltering national soccer team, we finally came back to provide a good show in Operation Cast Lead. So the current gentile demand to end this war too with an inquiry is no fun at all; rather, it's a clear attempt to reverse the score and slap us with a technical defeat as result of unsportsmanlike conduct and the use of phosphorous steroids.

Yet at this time, even if we establish a commission of inquiry headed by saints, it won't make a difference in the PR battle. Israel lost the legal battle, and all that's left is to produce a legal equivalent of award-winning Israeli film Lebanon � we'll call it "Goldstone" and it will feature four Israeli lawyers trapped under fire in an office at The Hague.

At the same time, and based on an understanding that wars are no longer decided on the battlefield, but rather, in air-conditioned offices, we should look ahead and prepare for the future. Hence, Israel must immediately establish an independent committee to look into the next war and promptly publish its conclusions, which will be as follows:

1. The committee found that Israel won the war and kicked the Arabs' butt.

2. The committee found logistical and moral failures in the IDF's activities; the responsibility for these failures lies with our enemies and with our previous government; the committee urges them to resign.

3. The committee found that Ehud Barak can serve as defense minister until 2050.

After we publish the report about the events of the next war, we may discover that actually engaging in this war is needless, or that we can hold it anyway, just for the fun of it.